Through Another Lens

Time is one of the hardest and most beautiful things in my life. As time goes by, I have the opportunity to reflect on the past, both good and bad. One year ago today, I publicly came out. Coming out was one of the most freeing things I could’ve done. I can’t explain exactly why, but it just was. It brought love, acceptance, support, understanding, and a greater connection to the human experience that I am forever grateful for. At the same time, it has caused me much pain in my life. I have experienced prejudice, hate, and struggling relationships – some of which have been my own doing. Would I ever change the past? I usually say no. But today I’d like to make an exception: yes. If I could, I would be more open to those around me. I’d love more. I’d talk more. I’d listen more. While I wouldn’t change major events in my life or even some minor decisions in my life – those make me who I am today – I would wish to be more open. With that in mind, I’d like to share another part of my life that I hope expresses my desire to be more open.

Before I get into that, I’d like to share an idea that has long been pressed on my mind; A theory exists that the language you speak impacts your perception of the world to a degree that some things are incomprehensible due to the barrier of that language. I believe this to be true just like I believe this logic parallels the experiences we have. I view the world so differently than a Hindu living in India, a Taoist - or even a Christian - in Singapore. Our cultures, languages, religions, genders, sexes, countries, sexualities, socioeconomic status, etc, shape us into who we are and how we view the world. And that perception is different for everyone. Thus, we have so many rich and various views in the world.

We as people can attempt to understand different perceptions and maybe even learn or embrace them. For me, being an openly gay man has forced me to view the world through a different lens. Society looks at me for both better and worse. I’ve had to challenge previous views I’ve had, question my opinions, etc. And some have remained steadfast. Others have been amended. I’d like to share with you the most vital view that has been challenged and become a vital part of my identity today: how I love people.

I used to just say I love people. It was clean and simple, yet oddly hypocritical. I perceived my love as unconditional, however my experience the last year has taught me that it was extremely conditional. I judged, I avoided, I fought, and I hurt. And I got hurt. Since then, I’ve learned an important lesson. To love is to be here for people. To love is to support someone as long as they are happy and safe. This last year I had a scary incident that made me realize that I was supporting so many people by this “happy and safe” rule, but I didn’t do the same for myself. I’m glad to say I do so today. I hope to extend this love to everyone around me.

If there is one message that I can share to anyone, it is that I support you if you are happy, and that your decisions make you and others safe. I find the equality sign to be a beautiful symbol of this. We are all people. We should all be treated as equals. It is that simple. While we are all different, we are all the same. Sure, you may be a black gender-nonconforming Muslim living in Nigeria, but you are my sibling. And I am yours. So to that person, I say I love you.

Please love that person as you would love this boy who is still figuring out the world. As I did a year ago, I’d like to conclude my thoughts with that of a poem:

A raggedy love

One with a restrictive bind; A tolerant kind

He left at shore

His tale set sail, He did not bail

His course was set, His mind was met

His phone did ring, His heart did sink

His heart did mend, His heart did break

They scarred it thrice, He sewed it up

And with the wind, He found a friend

He found support, He found his hope

Through thicker than thin, The freeze did clear

The snow did melt, His heart warmed up

His soul did search, In and out of church

He left his home, He strayed for long

He prayed a while, And lost his smile

He made mistakes, His mom did ache

He found an anchor, A compass, A guide

And through the night

The stars provide

A way for him

To see the world

A lens unseen

A truth revealed

All it took

Was three small words

All the day

He learned to love

And help a friend

He learned his place, And who he is

He is many things, And so are you

So remember this line

When you meet my life

The answer is clear, My dear

It is to love

Not some old raggedy tolerant kind, but one with no restrictive bind

My friends diverse

I love you all

Both black and white, And jewish friend

Both sick and strong, And wrong and right

You fit in here, I want you dear

So don’t give up

You’ve a place right there

This earth has room for me and you

But not for hate and needless space

So give a hug

And don’t look smug

You’re not that important

Yet you are to me