Long Exposure photographs happen to be one of the most playful, complicated, and fascinating forms of clicking away I enjoy on my Canon. From figuring out the complexities of timing, lighting, focus, and movement, an individual can make one of the most beautiful photos in the world. On the flip side, they could make a messy, vague, and confusing one in which no one could even guess what was going on.
*now for the analogical take*
I’ve found that working with photos like these is much like the relationships I’ve had this last year. Some are crystal clear and beautiful (shout out to friends like Reece Larsen and Mallory ~freaking~ Daughtey). While others have left me with months of confusion, heartache, and lost hope. In some moments, I take a long exposure photo believing it to have so much potential and beauty; those moments occasionally bring dissatisfaction, requiring a new attempt at the same thing, or something entirely different. When these moments hit, its simple to delete. But, I still have to reevaluate, make minor - or major - adjustments, and move on. That’s been the case for a few relationships I’ve had this year.
This summer and fall brought the makings of a few potentially amazing ‘long exposure photos.’ With each one consuming large chunks of time, the subjects worked with me to make sure the photos turned out amazing. But unfortunately not all did. For one, I missed a step early on; a minor tweak I should’ve avoided. Another should’ve had a different focus, which thankfully got properly adjusted in time. I was super hopeful for one, but it simply didn’t turn out properly, even after a few adjustments and shock to me. Every once in a while, I think of these photos; one great with some adjustments, another a lost cause, and one that just needs a bit of tweaking. I look back and realize that while I can’t fix the past mistakes of photographer errors, subject issues, or bad timing, I can move on and do my best with what I have.
Granted this analogy makes me, as the photographer, seem like the figure In control of everything, that’s simply not the case. The subject and photographer need to work together in order to form a beautiful photo. If they can’t do that, the photo won’t work. Imagine trying to take a photo of someone smiling if all they ever do is frown. It’s not possible. While it may hurt the subject or photographer that the photo, or relationship, didn’t end as expected, they have to be willing to move on.
and I haven‘t been able to lately
and that bothers me
I‘ve been so stuck up on this one photo to a point that I wanted to never even go on that photoshoot in the first place! I couldn’t believe I could get so festered about one subject and one photo. It was unbearable. It wasn’t like I’d never seen a failed photo before! I had several photo fails this year! Click delete and adjust your settings. But for some reason my mind was stuck on this photo and all I wanted to do was forget it. After not being able to forget it, all I wanted to do was make sure the subject knew that it was ok; they could get another photo with another photographer! Finally, I felt at peace. a pseudo peace. I turned from a moment of false tranquility to complete enmity. I realized that I wanted the subject to feel what it was like to be me as the subject. Cause after all, we’re all the photographer and the subject in each relationship; The balance goes both ways. But I couldn’t tell them now! It was just a photo! A photo taken months before. So, I sat there. and by there, I mean here. I sit here thinking of that photo. And realizing that I’m not a professional photographer; I’m an amateur. I make mistakes, and so do others. While I will think about the long exposure photos of 2019, I hope that my skills have been tuned enough to find some even greater subjects in 2020.
To every photo I took in 2019, I hope your next year is great! Keep in touch If you want. Get a few more photos if you’d like. Some of you have taught me so much (*cough cough Aaron, Allison, Ryan, et al)! To the photos that didn’t turn out, I hope I can make better ones with the same or new people this year. All I can really say is I learned a lot, I’m sorry for my mistakes, and I hope we can forgive each other. Just remember that photographer or subject, we’re all people on our own side of a lens. Treat others with kindness, respect our differences, embrace the beauty of photography, and be honest.
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Im sorry this post has such a reflective appeal to it. Unfortunately 2019 had a lot of lowlights. I write my raw feelings and they happen to be on a sadder tune lately. Let‘s power through this winter and get to an amazing spring this year. I also would like to add that this post was extremely hard to write. I’m sorry if it puts anyone off and I hope it doesn’t come off in a pompous manner. The goal was to share that relationships are messy and it’s ok to hurt, struggle, and make mistakes as long as you realize that someone is on the other end of that relationship. I hurt a few friends this year, because I didn’t have a focus on them. And then karma showed me what that feels like as well. Work with me, and I’ll work with you. And I’m sorry to those I’ve hurt.
On that final note, here’s a happier short poem:
Look up, it’s 2020
another decade down
so let’s not frown
Another decade through
so let’s make anew
this year is mine
so let it shine
2019 behind
and that’s just fine
Look up, it‘s 2020
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